Please sir, may I have some more?

Editor's note: This is one of those tropes where the kid is the supposed author of the note. It most often appears in thank you notes and Christmas letters. It is insipid but I am using it nonetheless. Also, the title of the post must be read in an English cockney accent in homage to Oliver Twist.

The first picture is of me desperate to move up the food chain, literally. Can a brother get a grain of rice? Come on folks, I am ready for the solids. What do I have to do, send a message via semaphore flags? I sit there and watch them eat right in front of me. I would be happy for their stir-fry leftovers but there is not even a look in my direction. I've taken matters into my own hands and grab for the dishes myself, which is no easy task when your equilibrium is very shaky and your head contains approximately 40% of your body weight. Although, from the looks of dad, this may be a lifelong cross to bear. Also, please enlarge the first picture and notice the chip in the bowl on the side opposite from me. Don't tell me I life with people too cheap to throw out Crate and Barrel outlet dishes when they get damaged? These cheap bastards will probably be buying me lead-tainted toys at garage sales. I need to proceed with caution on the chewing front.

And do I have to go out in every snow storm we have? It's winter in New Jersey. It snows. I am a baby and snow is new to me. Got it. You know what, snow is also cold, and that became not new after the first foray. So how about taking the extra FIFTEEN freaking seconds and zipping up my coat before we play winter wonderland in your crappy little weed choked back yard? Can someone phone DYFS? That is bare skin you see on my legs. And can someone tie my pants before everyone goes Annie Liebowitz on me? For crying out loud is a little dignity too much to ask?

Happy New Year! 2008 was great; 2009 will be fine.

It's good to know I could always find work as a cheesy graduation year slogan writer. Or, maybe I just got lucky with '08 and '09. I can't come up with something for '10. It's raining men in 2010? Catchy with a built-in theme song but ultimately a bit limiting in audience scope.

As for our New Year's plan, we went to NYC. Yeah baby, watched the ball drop. By NYC we mean the NYC metropolitan area (Sparta) and watched the ball drop with Anderson Cooper on TV. There may have been a BC football game around that time but for some reason it is blacked out in my memory... I have just vague recollections of great sadness. When the clock struck midnight, I documented the big moment by photographing Grandpa Bracken and Finn at the magic minute. I did learn that Finn can't sleep through a camera flash, but Grandpa can do so without skipping a beat. We have to start adding Jameson's to Finn's bottle I guess.

Molly and I did have a great day in the city (without Finn. Is it bad to admit that?) which was great fun. We met up with our favorite scientists Beth and Igor Teper (Beth is a boa/love scientist and Igor nearly freezes rabidium. For real. Look it up.) They were in town from Palo Alto visiting family. I don't have the pictures yet so I will have to upload them later. Igor is the absolute champ at the one arm photo... if they gave doctorates in this skill, Igor would be a Nobel Laureate by now. One take away from our lunch date with the Tepers... the world is running out of helium. That, and the government funds rabidium-freezing research without a clear application or end result. If you want results, and you are a lady looking to get an MRS degree with a physics Ph. D, talk to Beth as she is very results driven. She is the Feynman of all things romance and has many happy clients attesting to her mastery of the laws of attraction. I would add some clever double entendre with a physics formula on molecular bonding, but I went to a Catholic high school so I don't know anything about science other than transubstantiation is totally true.

Over the hills and through the woods....

to grandmother's house we go. For those readers who have never been to Lake Mohawk, NJ, this couldn't be more fitting. Lots of hills, trees, bears, deer, Swiss chalet style houses all clustered around a lake and little town channeling "Dirty Dancing." Nobody puts Baby Finn in the Corner!" The Bracken/Reavey family Christmas is very Norman Rockwell...people driving in from Connecticut with turkeys on platters, yule logs, Christmas themed broach pins, Irish guys with faces reddened by far too many bourbon shots. Santa stops by every year and hands out presents to the family. I learned the hard way that Santa has nothing but a bag full of gift wrapped hate until you formally marry into the family...not even an engagement ring gets you gift eligible..you got to have the paper. This year was extra special as the Brackens had party following a few days later to celebrate Matt and Lisa's engagement and introduce Finn to the neighbors. I'd love to pepper this post with witty anecdotes from the party, but who am I kidding? This was like two months ago. I can barely recognize the people in the photos. Damn this blog and it's horizontal narrative stream.

Picture Key:

1. Finn and the grandparents during the open house party

2. Finn mildly worried about the lack of infant appropriate gift options. Damn you Santa.

3. Finn and Grandpa Bracken.

4. The McDavits, Hosana, Lisa and Matt of the BBQ express.

5. Amazing party spread before the hordes.

6. Hour three of gift opening and Finn finally gets a toy he can relate to.

7. Finn hanging with cousin Kyle, one of New Hampshire's finest.

8. Colleen and Grandma Dunne.

9. Molly with Grandpa and Matt. I think the boys have shot glasses at the ready.

10. Cousins Dr. Jimmy Lai and Eileen Bull.

11. Serafina hearing Santa in the yard. Fire IT UP!

12. Uncle Joe Cron, Aunt Anne Bull, who tarts it up by washing dishes without her shirt. Williamsburg is a dirty town I guess. She moved south and changed. Grandma Dunne and Kevin Bracken round it out.