Lactation Juijitsu

Last night Molly took me to a lactation class. She promised me that I could leave if I was the only guy there (unfortunately there were four other empathetic male souls trapped there as well.) Can't think of anything more emasculating than a guy going to a breast feeding class? How about holding the class in a gym....I got to walk by the check-in desk and say "no kickboxing class for me, I am off to learn proper latching techniques." The class was very strange and I couldn't follow much other than discovering that there is a war out there, and the Breastians and the Formulists are battling for our souls. Did you know formula can turn your baby to stone? That sugar water in a bottle is a gateway drug to heroin?

I did learn that we will be keeping a diaper diary. What a keepsake! Frequency, color, consistency, etc. I know the color choices are black, green, and yellow, which in light of our Olympic fever, caused me to daydream about the Jamaican track team (their flag colors are black, green and yellow). We are considering Usain if the baby is a boy...anyone who does "the running man" dance during introductions and then smashes the world record can serve as a role model for our child. He is very fast and very cool.

Molly tells me the baby is the size of a Chinese gymnast so I know we are getting close to the big day. I just hope the baby is prepared to watch about ten hours of tv a night because due to the Olympics that is pretty much our routine.

Update: We just watched the US lose to a French rider (womens) and a Latvian rider (mens) in the BMX Olympics race. How the hell did BMX bike racing make the jump from Mountain Dew comercials to the Olympics? I do know we need to get the Balco Labs open as we keep getting smoked in events, even in sports we invented a few years ago? Can we get a US team together forOlympic Reality TV watching? I think we can sweep that one.