YES WE CAN!

Big election day for the Dunne family...Phineas' first presidential election. I know this has been a hotly contested election, but I never expected the two candidates to stop by this morning to give an in-person plug for our votes (see photos above). And to think New Jersey isn't even a swing state! Obama took a look at the condition of the outside of our house and yard and said we qualify for an even bigger tax cut, so good news for us on Nov. 5th! When Sen. McCain came by, Finn started to cry, but we were thrilled to hear him utter his first words "No corporate welfare for multi-national corporations like Exxon Mobil." Wow, that was a mouthful and more than a little surprising. And a part of my heart broke when his first words didn't include "dad" or "Boston College."

The weather was amazing here today so we walked up to the polls as a little happy family. Finn was wearing his "Babies for Obama" onesie given to him by Carol the democratic zealot in the admission office, and we were happy to support the team. On our way up the hill (it may not be a hill exactly but I am so out of shape it definitely feels like one) we ran into the babysitter who rejected a pre-born Finn from her daycare spot. She waved us over from across the street, and Molly hissed to me "What if the babysitter is not a democrat?" Thinking that I didn't have enough time to rip off the onesie, I mummified Finn in his blanket. Hey, I am all about Obama's message of HOPE as much as the next guy, but we are talking childcare people...nothing is out of bounds. I would steal Obama's kidney (before he had secret service detail) to get a spot in this woman's daycare operation. It is located about five houses up from ours...the kids look so dang happy...and did I mention it is five houses up from ours? We do need to balance the needs of our young child with the needs of our aging PT Cruiser (for the love of God give us two more years of no car payments). Luckily, she is a big democrat (in Princeton, imagine that) and got a kick out of the Obama onesie. I am going to do a reverse smear campaign on some of the other kids in the class...just throw a Bush/Cheney '04 sticker on their cars when they are dropping off one of their lucky spot-hogging brats. Let's see if that doesn't loosen up the roster of her daycare a bit.

We finally got to the fire house and cast our ballots. Molly still is under Bracken...she just loves having an out clause. I am going to order Sleeping with the Enemy on netflix just to send a subtle message. (Wow, domestic violence jokes...a new low for the blog.) She got to take Finn into the voting booth (pictured above) so he could officially say he voted in this historic election. When she finished there was a raft of "check the age on that voter" jokes. Ha ha ha. Man, volunteer election sites are funny places. To be fair, we did vote in what appeared to be a bar attached to the fire house. Should we encourage volunteer fire fighters to drink on duty? When Molly answered that Finn was two months old, the young volunteer exclaimed, "Two months, you look FANTASTIC." Ok, buddy, that's my wife and I am standing right here...now I see why Molly likes to keep her "Bracken" name; it's like she is marlin fishing down in the Keys. I am gonna get on this name change issue.

So, our work is done and now we wait. We have a big election returns party on campus tonight. Remember, we are not a red country. Nor a blue country. We are a Dancing with the Stars country. And a professional wrestling country. And super-size fries country. Let our greed, naked self-interest, and xenophobia unite us once again as the greatest exporter of slasher movies, t-shirts with crude double entendre "johnson" jokes, and over-priced jeans and basketball shoes. Let us bring hi-def t.v. and processed junk food with Disney movie tie-ins to the masses across the world.

Cue Lee Greenwood's "Proud to be an American" and fade to a long shot of the golden wheat fields of Kansas, followed by a shot of a sunset with the Santa Monica pier in silhouette (this terribly cheesy image was flashing behind the speakers at the Republican hate fest in Minnesota.) Good night America and thank you for voting -- just so you could get a free cup of Starbucks coffee.